


The Ghost of Birthdays Past

by swiftonthedownside



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, idk there's some Remus and Lily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-05 00:55:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swiftonthedownside/pseuds/swiftonthedownside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A trip down memory lane focusing on all of Remus's birthdays at Hogwarts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghost of Birthdays Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is late being uploaded, but I wrote it for Remus's birthday yesterday. Here it is.

“And so,” James continued, glass still in the air. Remus was just trying not to spill his. This toast had lasted like five minutes already. “We make a toast to the brightest and beastiest of the Marauders, Remus John ‘Moony’ Lupin.” He raised his glass slightly higher. “Eighteen years old, mate. Here’s to you.”

Everyone seconded it under their breath before sipping their drinks. Well, Remus sipped his drink. Sirius and James downed their glasses in one go. Remus smiled tiredly. It was rather late. Of course, the entirety of Gryffindor House had celebrated his birthday the day before, with a party that was far too elaborate and stories that were way over-exaggerated. Now, on the real night of his eighteenth birthday, as per Marauders Birthday Tradition, they were settling in after the long day and night previous for a quiet evening of games and drinking and laughing and reminiscing.

“Do you remember,” James started dramatically, “your twelfth birthday?”

Remus sighed, lifting his head to smile at James. “You remind me every year.”

“Because it should never be forgotten. Now, I believe we started celebrating at breakfast…”

~

They definitely started celebrating _before_ breakfast. Remus would know. He was the one who was rudely awakened by his friends leaping upon him, sending pillows and blankets flying and billowing as they shouted at him.

“It’s your birthday, Remus!”

“Twelve punches for luck!”

“You’re like an old man now or something!”

“C’mon, get up!”

“What’re you doing?” Remus sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking around in confusion. Sirius smiled at him. All ruffled and bleary-eyed and confused and cute. He tackled Remus back down. “Happy birthday!”

“Sirius!”

Sirius snuggled against Remus before looking up at James. “So, Jamie. What are we going to do today?”

“Well,” James started importantly, “Remus just so happens to have his birthday placed on a Saturday, this year, so I, of course, have a whole lovely slough of things planned.”

Sirius and Peter cheered on-cue, and James smiled. “First, though, is to drag him out of bed and down to breakfast.”

With much more whooping and cheering, they all forced Remus from his nice warm bed and put him in clothes and walked him, still half-asleep, down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius tried to put things in his mouth while James talked.

“If we were third-years we could go to Hogsmeade, but we’re not, so we’ll have to do something else. But worry not, dear friends, I have the perfect day planned.”

‘The perfect day’ was more of just lurking around corners and cursing people without being seen and avoiding McGonagall and pissing off Peeves. And they just _kept going_ all day long. Finally, at six o’clock, they all scrambled through the portrait hole, just barely missing the vase that Peeves hurled at them, cackling madly. They all went and collapsed in front of the fire, James and Sirius still laughing.

“It is definitely not funny,” Remus said, trying to catch his breath. “I can’t believe I let all you lunatics drag me around doing all of those things.”

“Ah, c’mon, Remus,” James said lightly. “It’s just a bit of fun.”

“Fun,” Remus scoffed, pushing himself up. “Well, the fun’s over, and I’m going to bed.”

“Bed?” Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s not bedtime!”

“I have homework, and my bed is the only place it’ll end up getting done.” He headed towards the stairs. "See you, guys.”

They all watched him go, and Sirius pouted. “Boo. All we wanted was to give him a good birthday.”

“Well, Remus isn’t like the rest of us,” Peter pointed out. “He’d rather sit quietly than go gallivanting about the castle.”

James scoffed. “But that’s boring.”

“For us.” Peter shrugged, standing. “But you’ll notice that it’s all the older kids ever do. Maybe Remus was just born older.”

Sirius and James raised their eyebrows at him, and he sighed. “I just mean, he’s more mature. For his age, at least. He’s like a thirty-year-old stuck in a twelve-year-old’s body.”

“That sounds horrible,” James mumbled, shaking his head. “My dad hated being thirty.”

“Mine too,” Sirius sighed. Peter laughed.

“God, your parents started late didn’t they?”

“Huh?”

Peter shook his head. “Never mind.”

Remus was up in his room, sitting on his bed and scratching away at his essay. He had the curtains drawn about his bed to keep out distractions, but he still heard it when his friends finally came up. He tuned out their movement and talking as he finished up his essay. By the time he had finished it and rolled it up, it was mostly quiet outside his curtains. He switched off his lamp, and settled in under his covers.

He heard the sound of the curtains moving, and looked up to see Peter poking his head in.

“Uh, happy birthday, Remus,” he said, smiling a little at him.

“Thanks, Peter.”

“Sorry it wasn’t exactly ideal.”

“It’s alright. It kept them entertained.”

“Right. Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Peter.”

The curtains rustled shut, and Remus smiled to himself before laying down and closing his eyes.

~

“Yeah…first year was pretty great,” James sighed, nodding to himself.

“Fantastic,” Sirius sighed, moving his knight. Remus was beating him _again_. The kid was a chess genius! Remus moved his queen, and smiled up at Sirius. “Check.” He popped his ‘k’ rather irritatingly, and Sirius flipped him the bird as he moved his king.

Peter sniggered. “Yeah, but second year was _great_.”

James stiffened, clearing his throat. “Now, I wouldn’t say that…I mean, second year is the one year we could stand to forget…”

“Oh, no.” Remus smirked at James. “C’mon Pete, tell me all about my thirteenth birthday.”

Peter smiled. “Well, let’s see, I think things really started up with the party James and Sirius threw in your honor. Invited all the second years, of course, and some choice third years…”

~

These ‘choice third years’ had all been of Sirius’s choosing. And of course, they had all been lovely girls with dark hair and bright eyes. Remus didn’t mind them much. Some of them were actually good for some intelligent conversation. The party had been really fun, actually. A lot better than sneaking around the previous year. His birthday had been a Sunday, and so they had allowed him to sleep in for the most part, but then they had dragged him out of bed to prepare.

Once everything got under way, Remus couldn’t deny that he was having a good time. Sirius and Peter certainly were as well, as they were both getting attention from the girls they preferred. James, however, was not so lucky.

“Thirteen already, Remus,” Lily sighed, looking at him dreamily across the table. “You’re so old.”

Remus laughed a bit. “Kind of, I guess. But you’re just as old.”

“Well yes…but you really _seem_ thirteen, you know? You’re so mature. And you really _look_ thirteen.”

Remus chuckled. “How does someone look thirteen?”

“By being attractive,” she whispered, but Sirius had come up and sat beside Remus, smiling at him brightly. “Having a good time?”

“Yes, thank you,” Remus said, smiling back. “I must say, this party really was a perfect idea.”

“Glad you think so.” Sirius looked over at Lily, making a bit of a face. “Evans.”

“Black,” she responded just as coolly. He turned back to Remus.

“You see that girl, Rem?” he asked, pointing to one of the third years across the room.

“Yes.”

Sirius smirked at him. “Evangeline Vain. I’ve been hitting on her all night and getting some pretty good response, let me tell you. I’m thinking of asking her to go swimming with me next weekend.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, but is that your idea of a date?”

Sirius hit him. “Shut it. Anyways, what do you think of her?”

“What do you mean? I’ve never met her.”

“Well do you think she’s pretty?”

Remus got a sort of strange expression on, and he looked at Sirius. “Do you?”

“Yes! Oh, she’s gorgeous.” He looked at her dreamily, and Remus turned back towards the table.

“She’s alright.”

“Definitely.” He patted Remus’s shoulder, standing. “Anyways, I’d best get back to it.”

“Right.”

“And hey.” Remus looked over at Sirius, who smiled. “Happy birthday, mate.”

Sirius walked away, and Remus looked up at Lily, who smiled brightly at him. “Sorry, Lils. Where were we?”

“No trouble. I was actually about to head to the library. The party’s getting awful dull.”

Remus nodded. “Yes, it is.”

She hesitated a moment. “Do you, um, want to come with me?”

Remus let out a sigh of relief. “Yes. I think I do.”

“Great.” She smiled, standing. “Shall we?”

Remus nodded, and followed her out.

~

“See, but that one’s not _so_ bad,” Remus interjected as Sirius quickly put out the corner of his shirt, wincing at the burns. Remus smirked. Lucky night for chess _and_ exploding snap. “ _Third_ year was really something else.”

James moaned, leaning his head back against the bed. “Noooooooo. Why are you two focusing on my least favorite years?”

“Because they’re my favorites,” Remus teased. Sirius got a hurt expression on his face.

“Moony! Right in the heart!”

Remus shoved his shoulder against Sirius’s, laughing. “I’m just kidding, you big twat. No, third year wasn’t my favorite, but it was…interesting…”

~

“And so, in honor of Mister Moony’s fourteenth birthday, a grand toast to his health, his mind, and his smokin’ ass.”

Remus blushed as Sirius sent a wink at him across the room, and Lily laughed from beside him, nudging him a bit. The room applauded lightly, all taking sips from their butterbeer. Remus sat down again, raising his eyebrows at Lily. “Leave it to Sirius to make the noble art of the toast into something embarrassing.”

Lily smiled bitterly. “Leave it to Black to ruin everything.”

Remus laughed a bit, looking into his glass fondly. “Sirius means well. He just…overshoots.”

Lily shook her head, taking a sip of her butterbeer. “I still don’t understand it, Remus. Why you spend your days with that group of hooligans. You’re worth more than that.” She blushed. “Especially to me.”

Remus smiled at her. “Lily, I’m not sure if you know their hearts. They…they’re great. And they’re my best friends.”

She laughed. “Remus, you’re adorable when you’re standing up for what you believe in.”

Remus smiled back. “Thanks. At least one person thinks so.”

She looked at him. “Do you…want to go somewhere?”

He frowned. “Go somewhere…?”

The room erupted into cheers, and the two looked around to see a great commotion happening in one corner. Remus felt his stomach churn as he saw the focus of all the attention.

He quickly looked at the table, trying to breathe deeply, as Lily assessed the situation aloud.

“Is that Black? With…Merlin’s beard, is that Evangeline Vain?” She shook her head. “It looks like he’s eating her face…”

Remus looked up at her, and stood, grabbing her hand. “C’mon. Let’s…go somewhere.”

She smiled, blushing a bit. “Okay. Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere else.”

She let out a shaking breath, tightening her hand on his. He led them aimlessly through the castle for a moment, before finally slowing to a stop.

“Remus?” Lily asked, looking up at him.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lily…I don’t know…”

“It’s fine,” she interrupted. “Really, Remus. I know where we can go.” She pulled him towards an empty classroom. “What we can do.”

“Do…?” He followed her, somewhat confused, and she turned to him once they were safely in the room. “Lily…”

“Shh,” she whispered, seeming somewhat nervous herself. “Really, Remus, just…” She pulled him close to her. “Stop talking.”

He looked down at her, and she hesitantly took a hold of his collar. “Remus, I just…I really want to wish you a happy birthday.”

Remus nodded. “Uh…th-thanks…”

She shifted her hands a bit, taking hold of the knot of his tie. He was forced to lean forward a bit, and he suddenly realized that he didn’t want to be there at all.

“Lily…”

“Remus, please.” She pulled him down closer. “Just don’t…”

They looked at each other for a second, Remus unsure of what to do, before she tugged him down the rest of the way and put her lips to his.

They stood there like that for a moment, and Remus tried to run through ways to get out of the situation. She pulled back to kiss him again, and he started to put his hands on her shoulders to push her away when he heard voices in the doorway.

“Remus!”

The two broke apart, and Remus turned to look over his shoulder. “Sirius!”

Sirius looked at him in blank shock and pain and confusion, and Remus realized that there was someone behind him.

“James…” He looked at the two of them pleadingly as Lily grabbed Remus’s hand, biting her lip and looking between them.

“We’re busy, Black,” she finally said after a very long moment of silence. Remus looked behind at her, then over at James and Sirius again. “No, wait.” He broke away from Lily, turning to look at her.

She looked at him. “Remus?”

“Lily, I…I’m sorry, I just…I don’t…”

Her face fell, and her whole small frame seemed to sag a bit. “Oh…”

Remus looked back at James. “James, please…”

James just shook his head. “Remus, I don’t…” He shook his head, before walking quickly away. Remus turned his gaze to Sirius.

“Please, someone listen to me,” he begged to Sirius, before turning to Lily. “Lily, really, I-“

“Stop, Remus,” she whispered. She sat on a desk, looking at the floor. “Please go away.”

“Lily…” Remus looked at her helplessly for a moment, before Sirius grabbed his arm. “C’mon, we need to talk…”

Remus allowed Sirius to pull him out of the room, before he yanked his arm free. “I don’t need your help,” he said, looking across the hall.

“Remus? Well, what have _I_ done?”

“This. This is all your fault.” He closed his eyes. “I can find the way back myself.” He opened his eyes, and started down the hall, leaving Sirius behind him. He looked after the other boy, confused.

“What the hell have I done?” he finally asked the hallways at large. He heard his own voice reverberating back to him, before everything went still and quiet again. And then he started to get mad. He hadn’t done anything!

“You should watch yourself, Black.”

He turned, and saw Lily standing just outside the door. She sniffled a bit, wiping her eyes, and Sirius had to stop and wonder: Did she like Remus enough that he could make her cry? She brushed her hair out of her face to look at Sirius.

“Watch myself?” he asked lowly. “I. Haven’t. _Done._ Anything.”

Realization dawned on him, and he shifted. “You know, don’t you?”

She looked over his shoulder aloofly. “And?”

“Tell me what I did, Evans. Tell me what happened to Remus. Please.”

“Do you really care that much, Sirius?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Then you should know.”

He shook his head. “I don’t have time for this.” He started down the hall. “My friends need me, and it’s _your_ fault.”

“But is it?” she asked, watching his back retreat.

When Sirius actually made it up to the dorm, every light was out, every curtain was drawn, and there were things strewn about the floor as though a battle had ensued. He could envision it. An angry James getting ready for bed, Peter trying to get him to talk. Remus comes in. James’s anger gets the better of him. He could nearly hear the shouting and see the objects flying through the air, Remus ducking as he tried to get James to listen, tears beginning to form in his eyes. He’d lost one of his best friends. What had he done?

Finally, Peter had probably tried to break it up and ended up getting hurt. A lecture would follow, and then Peter would sulk off to bed, nursing his wounds. James and Remus would follow suit.

Sirius sighed, rubbing his face as he wandered over to his bed, pulling off his clothes. This was all just a gigantic mess. He didn’t want to have to work to resolve it. He wanted to wake up and everything be okay. But that was not going to happen.

He looked across the room, and walked over to stick his head in Remus’s curtains. “Remus?” he said softly. The shape on the bed shifted, and he thought he could see hands covering ears. He felt his heart snap, and he bit his lip to keep the tears back. He moved forward, crawling under Remus’s covers and moving up the bed so he could look at him.

“Remus, please,” he whispered, his voice breaking a little. “I don’t know what I did. I’m sorry.”

Remus’s eyes glittered at him in the moonlight, and he slowly took his hands off of his ears, grabbing Sirius and clutching him close. Sirius let out a breath, wrapping his arms around Remus and holding him right against himself.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Remus whispered pleadingly. “One moment we were talking in the Common Room and then we left and suddenly she was all on me…”

“I know, Remus.” He threaded his fingers into the werewolf’s hair. “You’re a good friend. You wouldn’t do it, not on purpose.”

He sighed, pulling himself closer to Sirius. “I’m sorry. I’m just so so sorry. To you and Lily and James…”

“It’s alright.” Sirius turned his face into Remus’s neck, shushing him softly. “Don’t bother worrying about it now. We’ll talk to James in the morning. Just get some sleep.”

“You’ll stay with me?” Remus asked softly.

“Of course. Don’t worry, Remus.”

~

Remus had left out that last part of the story, even though everyone in the room had at least heard the conversation happening, if not the words being said. Remus tapped his fingers on Sirius’s knee, letting his words trail off with Sirius entering the dorm. James and Peter glanced at each other. They were getting close.

“Shall we get on, then?” James asked, checking his watch. “It’s getting late.”

“Yes of course,” Peter agreed. “Fourth year, then…”

~

“It’s good to spend time just with each other, yeah?” James said, looking around at the group fondly.

Sirius nodded. “Hear hear.”

Remus and Peter looked at him disdainfully. “Except…”

Sirius looked over innocently. “What?”

“Yeah, what?” The girl peered over at them around Sirius, and Remus and Peter looked pointedly at her before glancing at James.

“Well, er.” James shrugged. “I mean, it would be nice to hang out in the dorm, but…”

Sirius smirked. “Well, what’re we waiting for?”

Remus let out a huffy breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know, we really don’t have to do this. I know that you guys are happy I was born, now can I go to bed?”

“No, Remuuuuuus…” James looked at him pleadingly, and Peter looked over helpfully.

“What’s wrong, Moony?”

“I don’t feel well.”

“Well.” Peter shrugged, looking at James. “Good enough reason. Obviously, something has upset Remus. Or, you know, his stomach. He should be allowed to go to bed.”

“Thank you, Peter,” Remus said.

“Oh, don’t mention it.”

James ground his teeth, and glared at Sirius. This was his fault. “Fine,” he spat, leaning back. “I can’t hold you here.”

“What?” Sirius gaped at James. “You never let people skip out on birthday celebrations!”

“Quiet you,” he grumbled, watching as Remus and Peter stood and headed up to the dorm. “You’re really ruining birthdays around here.”

“ _I_ am?”

James pointed rather bluntly at the girl by Sirius’s side. “It’s supposed to be Marauders only, Sirius.” He almost whining now. “Why can’t you follow the rules?”

Sirius watched as James stood, heading up to the dorm after Remus and Peter. “What have I done _now_?”

He sighed, and looked over at the girl, who was looking back. “Perhaps I should go,” she said, standing. “You should go try to make up with your friends.”

“But-“

“It’s Remus’s birthday, Sirius. You should be with him.”

She walked away, and Sirius looked after her, dumbfounded. “Can’t I do anything right?”

He sighed, standing up and going up the stairs to the dorm. Everyone was in their respective section of the room, preparing for bed quietly. Sirius looked at them all.

“What did I do?” he finally asked the room at large.

Everyone glanced at him, and Remus and James turned right back to what they were doing. Peter glanced at the other two, then walked over to Sirius, steering him towards the bathroom. “You just stay here, alright?”

“What for?”

“Just do what I say, Sirius. It’s no wonder I know more about Remus than you do these days.”

Sirius watched Peter walk back out into the room. Remus looked up.

“I’ll have nothing to do with him,” Remus said softly. “Just for tonight, don’t make me.”

“Remus, you can’t leave things this way,” Peter told him. “He’s obviously upset. Just go talk to him.”

“You know, funny thing about this, Peter, is I’ve given up trying with him.” He tossed his shoes on his bed. “He’s blind, and I’m finished with trying to make him see.”

“Remus, please. I hate to see the group falling apart like this.”

The dorm went very quiet, and James looked over. “Give him a chance, mate,” he whispered. “Try. Make him listen, and explain it.”

Remus looked at James, then at Peter. “Oh, alright,” he finally groaned, shoving his trousers into a drawer. “For your sakes.”

“We owe you,” Peter said, sitting on his bed as he watched Remus walk to the bathroom.

Sirius looked up when he heard someone enter, and stood. “Remus.”

Remus smiled at him nervously, shuffling further in. “Hi, Sirius.”

Sirius watched him poke around anxiously for a bit, before he couldn’t take it. “Remus, please,” he finally said. “What is it? I know you have something to say.”

Remus looked up from the stain on the sink he’d been nervously rubbing at, biting his trembling lip. “They told me to come in here and talk to you,” he said softly. “But Sirius, I just don’t know if I can…”

He cut off before his emotions could get the better of his voice, looking back at the sink and his shaking hand. He couldn’t believe he was allowing himself to get this way. He’d promised himself no matter what anything ever came to, he’d never do this about Sirius.

But he’d underestimated just how much he would grow to care.

“Remus?” Sirius started forward a bit. “Oh Merlin, Moony, have I made you cry?” He held himself back from running over to hold Remus. The last thing he’d ever wanted was to make Remus cry.

Remus shook his head, fighting the tears successfully for the moment. “No…no, Sirius, please. It’s just…” And then the moment passed, and he looked up at Sirius as the first tear rolled down his cheek. “God, I swore I wouldn’t…”

James and Peter stared at each other as they listened to the conversation unfolding, to Remus’s breaking voice, to his resounding sniffles. James shook his head. “Pete, did you know he felt so strongly?”

Peter shook his head guiltily. “James, I would never have asked him to if I’d known.”

Remus looked away from Sirius, wiping at his eyes, and Sirius glanced from him to the door. He waved his wand, turning back to Remus as the door swung shut. “Remus, please, _please_ just tell me what’s wrong.”

The other boy shrugged bewilderedly. “I don’t know where to start,” he said with the smallest hint of a sob. “I don’t know if I should tell you you’re wonderful, or inform you of how terrible you are, or if I should beat you senseless because of what you’re _doing_ to me.” He took a moment to sob violently, covering his face with his hands. “You’re a great ignorant git, Sirius, and I love you.”

Aside from the sounds of Remus trying to calm his tears, the entire dorm got very quiet. Sirius looked at the boy in front of him. How did he break Remus like this? How did he take his perfect composure and crush it underfoot? He stepped forward, putting a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “C’mon, Moony,” he said softly. “You should get on to bed.”

Remus just started crying harder, keeping his hands tightly over his mouth, muttering to himself, “God, I shouldn’t have done this, I _told_ Peter, why did they make me do this…”

Sirius rubbed his back. “C’mon, this is no state to be in. Look at yourself.” He turned, grabbing a washcloth and running it under the water. “You need some rest, and you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Remus leaned faintly against the sink, completely silent now except a few sniffles, tears still coming. Sirius helped him up to sit on the basin, and pulled Remus’s hands away from his face, wiping his tear-stained cheeks and continuing to spew nonsense as he tried to get Remus very safely away from him, someplace where he could no longer hurt him. He didn’t let himself think about anything Remus had said; right now, Remus just needed to be taken to bed. And so he did his best to nonsense his way through cleaning Remus up, listening as he quieted down to complete silence, and finally taking him out into the dorm proper.

“C’mon, Moony,” he said absently, steering him towards his bed. “Time to get some rest.”

Remus didn’t respond. He had stopped even looking at Sirius. He just shook off Sirius’s hands, stepping forward and closing the curtains behind him. Sirius looked after him for a moment, before looking over at James and Peter.

The two looked back, unsure of how to feel. James was sure Sirius did the best he could, but he almost had to wonder if he shouldn’t have been able to do better. Peter simply stared at him, upset by the whole situation.

James opened his mouth as if to speak, but Sirius walked over to his part of the dorm and closed the curtains. He looked at Peter, and sighed.

“Goodnight, Pete,” he said softly. “God forbid we should wake up tomorrow and all this be over.”

He just nodded, and James closed the curtains around himself. Peter stayed where he was a moment, just sitting and staring, before looking over at Remus’s curtains.

”Happy birthday, Remus,” he whispered, before closing his own curtains.

Remus lay awake in bed for hours. He clutched a pillow under his chin, staring at his headboard. He couldn’t believe what an idiot he’d made of himself. This was stupid. He should never have listened to Peter. None of this should ever have happened. He groaned, burying his face in his pillow and covering his ears.

Though one could hardly say that Sirius was having any better a time. He lay staring at the ceiling for hours, working over what Remus had said. Initially, he had been horrified, but the more he thought about it, his horror had stemmed from Remus’s heartbreak. He was thinking about it more, and he was almost upset that he’d reacted the way he had. He wished he’d gone to Remus and held him close and assured him that everything was alright and Sirius understood and…

And Sirius agreed. He felt the same.

Dear God it wasn’t too late.

He scrambled out of bed, padding over to Remus’s curtains, slipping through and looking at Remus’s still shape in the bed. He sighed, sitting down. He took Remus’s hands, untangling the fingers from his hair. Remus raised his head a little, looking at Sirius. “What?”

Sirius dove into him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. Remus let out a muffled noise as they fell back on the bed.

“Sirius?”

“Me too, Remus,” Sirius whispered. Remus froze up. He grabbed Sirius’s head, pulling him up to look at him.

“Do you…?” He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. He looked at Sirius hesitantly. “Sirius I just…”

Sirius lifted his hands, taking a hold of Remus’s face. “I’m positive, Remus,” he said firmly.

Remus looked at him conflictedly for a moment, before grabbing Sirius and pulling him down to him, pressing their lips together.

Sirius made a noise, shifting his hands down to Remus’s waist as he responded.

Remus put a hand on Sirius’s back, and kicked his leg up to flip the other boy, rolling over to hover above him.

“God, Moony,” Sirius breathed, before Remus was upon him, torturing his skin with his teeth and lips, scratching at his sides as his hands curled around him. Sirius gasped desperately, clutching at Remus and holding him down against him. “Ah.” Remus brought his knee up between Sirius’s legs, and the other boy jumped. “Mmph, Moony!”

“Uh, excuse me!”

They stopped cold at the sound of James’s voice, looking at each other in vague horror.

“I mean, this is great, and all,” Peter put in. “Really happy for you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” James said dismissively. “But the thing is, I _really_ don’t want to listen to the two of you getting it on. In fact, I’m horrified to even know it was happening.”

“What James is failing to say,” Peter interrupted, “is that we would appreciate it if you used silencing charms in the future.”

“Right,” Sirius called. He and Remus looked at each other. “I guess we should maybe put this off,” he whispered.

Remus nodded. “Right. Probably best.” He moved off of Sirius, who sat up.

“Um.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Do you…want me to leave?”

Remus frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean go back to…my own, you know, bed.”

“Oh.” Remus blushed some. “I mean, you don’t have to. If you want to stay here you can, of course.”

“Of course.” Sirius smiled a little. “Right, then.” He settled down.

Remus smiled back at him, settling in by his side and pulling the covers up over them. They snuggled in together, and Sirius smiled at Remus.

“By the way. Happy birthday.”

~

“It was a lovely year,” Peter commented as he folded his sweater. “Rather stressful and painful towards the beginning of the celebrations, and then it got downright torturous, but it turned out alright.”

Remus hummed his assent, and James hung one arm around his bedpost.

“I’m going to get some sleep. Goodnight, you guys. And Remus.” He smirked. “Happy birthday.”

“Goodnight, James,” Remus called to him, and he closed his curtains around his bed. Peter glanced over at Remus and Sirius. “I’m turning in as well. You kids be good.”

Sirius looked up to grin at Peter. “No promises, Mum.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Right. Goodnight, guys. And happy birthday, Remus, as always.”

“Goodnight, Wormtail.”

Peter closed his curtains, and cast a silencing spell on them, as he assumed James had done as well, as per protocol. He tucked his wand under his pillow, snuggling into his blankets.

Sirius looked back down at Remus, now more openly running his hands under the back of his shirt, over his shoulder blades and along his spine. Remus made a small noise, leaning his head back onto Sirius’s knees. “God, your hands must be made of magic…”

Sirius smiled, touching his lips to Remus’s ear. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr. Lupin…”

Remus just hummed in response, arching his back as Sirius’s fingers danced tantalizingly along his spine. “Oh, that’s really too bad…”

“And why’s that?”

“Because you’ve no idea where I was going to take you…”

Sirius smiled in excitement. “Hmm…do you remember the first time we went anywhere?”

Remus groaned. “God, yes.”

“Good, I remember you saying that as well.”

Remus laughed a bit. “As I recall, you made a good deal of noise yourself.”

Sirius smirked. “What can I say, Moony baby? You’re fantastic…”

~

March 10, 1976, found the dorm empty and dark. James and Peter had decided that since Remus had resisted celebration last year, it was best not to push him, and they had left to pillage the kitchens on their own shortly after their private Marauders’ party.

Remus and Sirius glanced at each other after the portrait hole closed. They both knew. This was it. It was time. Even James and Peter knew. Tonight was the night they were going to have sex.

Despite their initial enthusiasm, the two had actually been far too nervous to venture too far down that road for a very long time. It had only been last month that they finally tried rutting against each other in any kind of organized fashion, and only two weeks ago that it had gotten either of them sufficiently off. Of course, they were teenage boys, with the ability to go at each other virtually every single night of the school year. And so they’d been at it. But they’d not been particularly good at it, or really comprehensible enough to think much about anything other than burning desire until their muscles ached and they collapsed against each other, exhausted and semi-sated.

But they had made progress in the past month. They had been working towards something. And this was the night. They looked each other over, and Sirius finally stood, pulling Remus out of his chair by his arm and leading him slowly up the stairs. They could both literally feel the blood pumping through their veins as they entered the dark dorm. They looked at each other.

“Your bed?” Sirius whispered.

Remus nodded, and Sirius moved his hand down to take Remus’s, nodding back. “Right.”

They walked over, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Sirius shifted, looking at Remus. “So. How do you want to go about this?”

Remus shrugged. “I don’t know…can’t we just do how we always do? Just…kissing first?”

“Of course we can.” Sirius shifted towards him, pulling him over into his lap. “We can do whatever you want, however you want. Tonight is about us, Moony, and we’re going to things only the way we want.”

“Okay.”

“So we’re going to go really slow, at our own pace, and not do anything we’re not comfortable with.”

“Okay.”

“And if you get to feeling like you don’t want to do this anymore, if you want to stop, you just tell me. Okay, Moony? Promise?”

Remus nodded. “Promise.”

“Good.” Sirius took a breath. “So just tell me what is and isn’t okay. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Sirius pulled Remus close, turning his face into the other boy’s neck. “Okay…”

Remus bit his lip, tilting his head a bit as Sirius’s lips touched against his neck. Sirius lifted his lips to Remus’s ear, and he let out a soft noise. “Okay…”

Sirius hummed, leaning over the other boy. Remus caught his breath, clutching at Sirius. “Right, okay…”

Sirius pulled back, looking at Remus a moment before pressing a slow kiss to his lips. And then another. He pressed Remus further back against the bed, both of them quickly losing ground as far as breathing went, and before he knew it Remus was completely lost in a hazy fuzz of quiet ecstasy. Sirius’s mouth worshiped the skin of his neck and collarbones, making it close to impossible to breathe without making some kind of noise. Sirius finally pulled up and away from Remus, leaving him laying panting on the bed. He looked up at Sirius expectantly, and the other boy bit his lip hesitantly.

“You’re sure, Remus?” he asked.

Remus nodded, and Sirius shifted, running his fingers through Remus’s hair. “Alright.”

“Are _you_ sure, Sirius?” Remus asked.

“Of course.” Sirius looked at him, and Remus could see how scared he was, even in the dark.

“We’ll go slow,” Remus whispered reassuringly. “Like you said. We won’t do anything if we’re not ready for it. And if either of us isn’t comfortable, we’ll stop.”

Sirius nodded. “It’ll be okay.”

“It’ll be okay.”

He nodded again. “Top or bottom?”

Remus only thought for a moment. “Bottom, please.”

“Okay.” Sirius leaned over him again, and Remus wrapped his arms up around him. They looked at each other again, and Sirius leaned down to kiss him. He lowered his hands, moving them continually downwards, working as they went. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, rubbing light, careful circles on his skin. He moved them lower, and rubbed deep circles on Remus’s hips. He whimpered softly, lifting his hips up into Sirius’s hands. Sirius moved his lips down onto Remus’s neck, slipping his hands under Remus’s trousers before bringing them up front and slowly unbuttoning them.

Sirius continued going about undressing Remus, stopping every now and again to make sure he was doing things that were okay. Finally, he had pulled off all of Remus’s clothes, throwing them off the bed and out of the way. He kept his eyes on Remus’s face for a second, before glancing down briefly.

“Oh God.” He looked back up at Remus, and the two blushed vibrantly at each other.

“Come here,” Remus whispered, grabbing Sirius by the tie and pulling him down, working on undressing him.

Before long, they were both stark naked, staring at each other in the darkness.

“You’re sure, Remus,” he whispered in a shaking voice, hardly even a question. Remus nodded.

“God, am I positive.”

Sirius nodded. “Okay.” He leaned over, opening a drawer in Remus’s nightstand and fishing around. They’d had it for months…but of course, it got buried in debris…

“There.” Sirius pulled back over to Remus, fiddling with the tube anxiously. “Just. Give me a minute?”

Remus nodded. “Of course.”

Sirius sat up, and Remus shifted into more of a sitting position as well. Sirius twisted the cap off of the tube, and he and Remus watched as he squeezed out a small glob of the clear, smooth lubricant.

Sirius let out a breath. “It’s cold.”

Remus nodded. “I thought it might be.” 

Sirius rubbed his fingers together a bit, and the two looked at each other. “Bottom?”

Remus nodded. “Bottom.”

“Lay back,” Sirius instructed, and Remus obeyed. Sirius spread Remus’s legs, positioning himself between them. He used his clean hand to feel down, finding Remus’s entrance.

Remus tensed up a little, and Sirius smoothed the lubricant down his index and middle fingers. He reached down, prodding Remus’s entrance with his index finger.

Remus caught his breath in his throat, scrabbling for something to grasp. Sirius looked at him, startled. “Are you alright?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Remus, are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m positive, Sirius, and if you don’t keep going I swear to God I’ll rip off your dick.”

Sirius nodded. “Right.” He looked back down, and pressed further into Remus. Remus had found a spot on the headboard that he was wringing the life out of. Sirius pushed in to his knuckle, and then thrust in and out a few times before pulling all out again and pushing against Remus’s entrance with his second finger.

Remus gasped desperately as Sirius pushed his second finger in, pressing down on him. Sirius pulled his fingers out, then scissored them apart. Remus let out a loud moan. “Oh, God, Sirius,” he breathed.

“Do you think you’re ready?” Sirius asked.

Remus groaned. “God, yes.”

Sirius nodded, and pulled his fingers out. He grabbed the tube again, and shakily squeezed out a sufficient amount of lubricant onto one hand. He hastily applied it to himself and positioned himself at Remus’s entrance. He looked up at Remus, who nodded at him. “Go on.”

Sirius looked down, gripping Remus’s hips as he pressed the tip of his dick to Remus’s entrance. He pushed forward, and they both let out stressed noises as he pushed in. Sirius stopped to gather himself, breathing heavily. “Oh God,” he muttered. He pushed in more, and Remus gripped his shoulders tightly.

“Nng, Sirius…” He pushed down onto the other boy. Sirius pressed into Remus until he was buried to the hilt, and let out a breath. “Alright, Remus?”

“Alright. Move, please, this is death…”

Sirius pulled out a bit, and pushed back in. The two made their strangled noises, and Sirius pulled out again; pushed in again, and repeated the action several times. Remus dug his nails into Sirius’s back, letting out his muffled cries into his shoulder. Sirius picked up the pace, gripping Remus’s hips and pulling him into his thrusts.

Remus groaned, clutching tight to Sirius. “Harder.”

Sirius nearly stopped, looking at him. “What?”

“Harder, Sirius. Faster. _Please_.”

Sirius hardly had time to think before he picked up the pace again, almost slamming into Remus. The other boy clenched around him, and he moaned, feeling his orgasm coming.

“God, Remus,” he cried softly, pulling other boy against him harder. “Oh, God…”

Remus held onto him tightly, pushing onto Sirius until he felt his hips stutter in their rhythm. Sirius let out a choked moan as he came, he and Remus clutching to each other. He finally collapsed against Remus, exhausted.

“Well?” Remus asked breathlessly.

“It was fantastic,” Sirius gasped, looking up at him. “You?”

Remus just looked at him for a moment, and Sirius sighed. “I was…?”

“No.” Remus shook his head. “Of course, it was perfectly understandable.”

“But still, you know, before…”

Remus shrugged, grimacing a bit. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Sirius lifted himself over Remus again. “It’s you birthday, Remus Lupin, and if it kills me, you will come.”

“Keep talking like that and I might,” Remus muttered, raising his eyebrows. They just kept rising when he felt Sirius’s hand on his dick.

“Oh.” He shifted his hips up into Sirius’s hand, trying to keep a competent expression on his face. “See that right there is…oh, God, what’re you…Mmm…”

Sirius was running his hand across Remus’s cock faster than he might have ever dared to do had they not just been having mind-blowing sex, and it was only a moment or two before Remus was clutching at Sirius, crying out his name as he came violently into his hand.

Remus fell back against the bed, wiping his hair out of his eyes. “Oh, God.”

“Precisely,” Sirius breathed in response, grabbing his wand and casting a cleaning spell.

“I think we’ll have to do that more often,” Remus said decisively.

“Good.” Sirius lay down beside him, giving a sigh. “Well,” he whispered, glancing at the other boy with a slight smile. “Happy birthday, Remus.”

~

Remus hummed lightly, opening his eyes and tilting his head back to smile up at Sirius. “Yeah. Great year.”

Sirius smiled back, running his fingers through Remus’s hair one last time. “Shall we take this conversation to the bedroom?” he asked softly, tapping his fingers on the sides of Remus’s ribs.

“I’d like that,” Remus responded, and Sirius pulled him to his feet, the two ambling over towards Remus’s bed.

“You know, there’s only year left to remember,” Sirius pointed out.

Remus nodded. “That’s true.”

“Do you want to do it now or later?”

“Later, I think,” Remus said thoughtfully, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “Right now there’s someone else I’d rather be doing.”

Sirius smiled down at him. “Oh?”

“One Mister Padfoot?”

“I’ll put you through.” He looped his arms over Remus’s shoulders. “Top or bottom, baby?”

“Ooooh, well, you know where the moon is.” He grabbed Sirius’s tie, dragging the other boy down to him. “With five days to go, it’s safe to assume I want to take you like a NEWT-Level DADA course.”

“Only you would bring school into a thing like sex.”

“Only you would point that out.” Remus pulled Sirius the rest of the way down to him, pressing their lips together, and forcing Sirius to lose his balance. He basically fell into Remus’s lap, putting him in the perfect place for Remus’s affections. He tugged off Sirius’s tie, tossing it to the side as he moved his lips down to his neck.

Five minutes later found Sirius dragging his nails across Remus’s back, Remus’s hips keeping a steady rhythm, his teeth dragging across Sirius’s collarbones. Sirius fisted a hand into Remus’s hair, trying his very hardest to hold out. To be perfectly honest, however, even the best of men would not be able to hold for long against full-moon-rage Remus.

Remus lifted his face up on-level with Sirius’s, their eyes meeting and seeming to battle in the space between them. Remus quirked an eyebrow, and Sirius gave up, his eyes clenching shut as he held himself closer to Remus, muffling a cry as he came. He barely noticed as Remus lost his rhythm, shuddering alongside him as they both waited it out.

Remus rolled off beside Sirius, both of them trying to catch their breath as the air slowly cooled around them. Sirius sighed, looking over at Remus.

“Just as good as I remember,” he said dreamily, and Remus smirked at him.

“Remember from two nights ago…”

“That’s a long time, Remus. My body aches for you when we’re apart.”

Remus laughed at him a little, curling up and pulling a blanket over himself. “You’re stupid.”

“And you’re a sour grape.” He burrowed under Remus’s blankets, smiling at him. “But you can’t hide the cute Remus from me.”

They smiled at each other a moment, and Remus shifted over to Sirius, snuggling against him. “I’m ready to reminisce about yesteryear,” he announced. Sirius smiled, rubbing his face in Remus’s hair.

“Are you?”

“Yes, quite. I remember it was a dark, cold day, really stormy, weird for March…”

~

It was snowing, to be exact. Not particularly rare for the Scottish mountains in March, but not exactly common. It was a thundersnow, as Sirius called it when there was lightning during a blizzard. The whole castle shook with drafts, the wind and snow pounded around the windows, and lightning lit up the dark outside like day. Or at least, day when you can see the sun.

And if that wasn’t enough, it was the day after a very lonely full moon. They hadn’t wanted to put Remus out in the Shack with the storm coming, and the whole castle had been on lockdown at night for student safety. So they couldn’t make it, even if they’d managed to dig up where it was Remus would be. Needless to say, Moony was not pleased.

And so Remus spent his seventeenth birthday asleep in his nice cozy bed. They had cancelled classes due to the strange and unseasonable weather, so the other three Marauders tried to find ways to entertain themselves with the other Gryffindors in the Common Room, but there was one that just could not be sated.

“Leave him alone, Pads,” Peter whispered, tugging at Sirius’s arm. “He needs to sleep.”

“I’m not touching him,” Sirius said petulantly. “I just want to sit with him, is that such a crime?”

“For you, yes.”

Sirius sighed, looking back at Remus. He was nothing more than the top of a head and closed eyes poking out from the top of the blankets. To be perfectly honest, he was _adorable_. Sirius groaned, looking over at Peter.

“I don’t want to go.”

Peter gave one final tug, and Sirius stumbled after him. He pouted.

“What if he wakes up and I’m not there?”

“I’ll put a baby monitor by him.”

“A what?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Just come downstairs for a bit, Padfoot. Get some social interaction. Moony will still be there when you get back.”

Sirius’s eyes widened. “Oh God, Wormtail. What if he’s not there? What if he wanders off somewhere?” He came to a stone cold halt, causing Peter to pop his shoulder out of place.

“Sirius!”

“Peter, I’ve got to be there for him! You don’t understand!”

“Yes I do, Sirius!” He sighed. “I get it, alright? You care about him. I mean, we all do, but you more. And I understand that. But you have to understand that Remus just needs some rest, and he’ll be okay. He’s a perfectly able-bodied seventeen-year-old boy. You need to get out.” He tugged Sirius forward. “So come on. Just for a little bit.”

Sirius followed Peter down the stairs reluctantly, joining James in a group of other sixth years all taking part in a massive game of exploding snap.

“Remus loves exploding snap,” Sirius muttered as he watched the game progress.

Lily and Alice shared a look. “Cheer up, Black,” Lily said brightly. “How about some hot chocolate?”

Sirius looked at her with big, watery eyes. “Remus _loves_ hot chocolate…”

“But do you know what Remus _doesn’t_ like?” Evangeline put in. Sirius turned to pout at her, and she smirked. “ _Cherries_. How about a cherry chocolate?”

Sirius sighed, looking at the wall. “I can’t…Remus has ruined cherries for me…”

“Peter,” James hissed. “Just let him go back upstairs. He’s ruining the game for everyone.”

Peter frowned. “How?”

James pointed at Sirius. “He’s got the girls all fawning over him trying to cheer him up. Only Frank, Donovan and I are playing anymore!”

Peter sighed. “Just another hour, James. Promise.”

But it wasn’t just another hour. Peter was able to hold out two and a half hours longer before Sirius threatened to curse him if he didn’t let him up, and the three headed up to check on Remus. Sirius took the steps two at a time, opening the door very quietly.

Remus squinted over at the door, rubbing one eye. Sirius smiled at him. “Hey, Moony.”

Remus waved at him as James and Peter came in behind him. Sirius turned to Peter, hitting him. “See? He was awake and alone.”

“He just woke up!” Peter argued, but Sirius stopped listening to him when Remus started talking.

“What time is it?” he asked quietly, his voice scratchy.

“Five-thirty in the evening,” Sirius responded promptly. “You slept the whole day away.”

Remus nodded, his shoulders slumping tiredly. “Mmm-hmm.”

“How’re you feeling, Remus?” Peter asked.

Remus squinted up at them again. He yawned. “Mm, what?”

“How do you feel?” James repeated.

Remus looked at them all for a moment, rubbing his eye. “Padfoot,” he finally said quietly, fixing his gaze on Sirius.

Sirius beamed, flouncing over to Remus. James rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Pete. There are some very heterosexual women waiting for us downstairs…”

Sirius climbed onto the bed beside Remus as they closed the door, smiling at him. “How are you, Moony?”

“My throat hurts,” he commented, leaning against Sirius. “And my leg hurts.” He sighed, closing his eyes. “And everything hurts.”

Sirius looked down at him. “I’m sorry, Remus.” He wrapped his arms around the other boy.

“Yeah.” Remus settled against Sirius. “It’s okay though. ‘S not so bad.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’ve got a Padfoot to make it all better.”

Sirius’s smile was so big he thought it would break his face. “That’s right.”

Remus just hummed. “Hey, Pads?”

“Wassit, Moony?”

“You know in second year when I told you there weren’t any caramels left from Mum?”

“Yes.”

“I lied.”

Sirius smiled. “I figured.”

“Mm. And Pads?”

“Hm, Moons?”

“You know in third year when I told you ‘Vangeline had gone home for the holidays?”

“Yes, I recall that.”

“I lied then, too.”

“I figured.”

“I didn’t like that you liked her.”

“Understandable.”

He was quiet for a second. “And Sirius?”

“What?”

“You know last week, on Monday, and we were fighting.”

“I remember.”

“We were fighting about…the way you act…in class?”

“That’s right.”

“You know I said I couldn’t stand you? That you were…a disgrace, and I didn’t…” He held Sirius tighter. “I didn’t want to be seen with you…”

“Shh, Remus,” Sirius whispered. “I remember, it’s okay.”

“I was…”

Sirius waited. “What, Moony?”

Remus pulled away from him, staring at the sheets. “I…um…” His eyes got watery, and he sniffed, wiping at them. “My throat hurts…”

Sirius shushed him, pulling him back against him. “It’s alright, Remus. You just be quiet, okay? You need some rest.”

Remus sniffed once more, scrubbing at his eyes. “Yeah.” He looked up at Sirius. “Can we lay down?”

“Of course.” Sirius shifted under Remus’s covers, laying down beside him. Remus shifted right up against him.

“Pads?”

“Hm?”

Remus turned his face into Sirius chest, burrowing into the warmth and the familiar scent. “I love you.”

Sirius nestled in against Remus. “I love you too, baby.”

It was quiet for a second. “Hey, Moony?”

Remus hummed sleepily, and Sirius smiled to himself.

“Happy birthday.”

~

“That might be my favorite year,” Sirius said softly, not opening his eyes.

“It was exquisite,” Remus mumbled, curling his fingers on Sirius’s side.

“You know, you never told me,” Sirius whispered.

“Never told you what?”

“What it was about that fight.”

Remus sighed. “Couldn’t you guess?”

Sirius smiled. “Thought so.”

Remus sighed, shifting some. “I love you, Padfoot,” he said softly.

“I love you too, Moony.”

Remus sighed, very ready to get some sleep. “But hey. Your forgetting something.”

He opened his eyes, frowning at Sirius. “What’s that?”

Sirius beamed at him, giving him a kiss. “Happy birthday, Remus John Lupin.”


End file.
